Softening



In Colossians 3:15, Paul writes that as members of one body, we are called live in the peace of Christ and so we should let that peace rule in our hearts. At Heritage, we use a tool called “Softening” that helps us keep that peace.

 Softening is when we find positive ways to talk about areas that bother us in our relationships. For example, I had always had a very tumultuous relationship with my father. During the first 27 years of my life, I was very disconnected from him, but then things began to get a little better. When I was 38 years old, I decided to make things right with him and so I chose to focus on the 11 years between 27 and 38 when the relationship had been better. I approached my dad and told him how much I appreciated those 11 years. My dad was “softened” by my comment and as a result, he was able to open up to me and talk about his own childhood. This led to a healing in our relationship.

 The key to Softening is to focus on the positive, not the negative, in order to improve a negative area. Here’s another example: if the negative area is that a family member is chronically late, it would be better to focus on how you feel when they’re on time then to focus on their tendency to be late. Or if you want your spouse to greet you with a hug and kiss after work, soften them by telling them how much you appreciate it when they greet you in that manner as opposed to hardening them by complaining about how they do greet you.

 Finding ways to use softening techniques will bring you one step closer to “letting the peace of Christ rule in your heart.”